Ugly Reality
by yian789
Summary: “Our relationship.. I mean this kind of relationship, you know it’s impossible if Aerith is still around, Tifa.”-She was never ready to hear this from him. Cloti, some past Clerith.


Sleeping was basically meant for people to have some rest. However, consider her circumstances, it has been different. To her, sleeping meant to spend the rest of the night with her love one, holding each other tightly as if the world was going to end the second they open their eyes. And when she supposed to wake up, her lover would either wish her a 'good morning' or still snoring. Much to her dismay, neither of them had ever happened to her when she spent her nights with him except for that particular morning. Yes, it was what she had thought when her wine-colored eyes took on the figure sitting next to her when she wakes up in the morning. Her love one was there, gazing at her. Automatically, her eyes fixed to the clock situated on the side table. As usual it was 8 in the morning, and to her surprise Cloud was still on the bed.

"Urm, morning?" She started as she was still lying on the bed.

"Morning," He answered as his blue orb darted to his hands which were prompted on his knee.

Silence began to loom between the pair. Not like it was the first time ever Cloud had been on her bed with not a single thread covering his body or the other way around but it was the first time ever, he had waited for her to wake up. Cloud usually wakes at 10 and never before that particular time, also given the exception when he spends the rest of his night with her, making love. No matter how tired the foreplay was adding with the fatigue due to his job as a delivery boy, he would force every single bits of his strength to leave the bed before she does. But, why today was not like every other day. Was it because what had happened last night? When he practically had ruined her date with Johnny? When he had pulled her out of the booth in the diner when Johnny slid his arm around her? When he had told that no other man could touch her except for him? When she finally thought that their relationship is finally going to the next level? All of the possibilities made her feel giddy inside.

"Well.. Should I make you a breakfast?" She found herself asking, trying to start a conversation. She didn't dare to ask why he's still in bed.

He shook his head as a reply.

"No?"

"No. Tifa, we need to talk." He answered, turning his head to watch her.

What is it with feeling giddy inside? She takes that back. Now, she was anxious. The 'we need to talk' was never meant a good thing especially when it came from Cloud.

"Well, actually I wanted you to listen." Feeling the moment was a little too awkward, he anxiously rubbed the back of his head.

The sudden change of statement did not make things any better. He wanted her to listen. "Sure Cloud. What is it?" She'll listen. She always does that when her heart and mind was already tired of doing so.

He was fidgeting when he starts to open his mouth. "About last night…um.. I guess I don't have to tell you…You know, about us…..Tsk! What am I saying?!" He scrunched his messy hair which later popped to its usual form.

Amuse with his ineptness, Tifa laughed softly. "Take your time, Cloud."

Noticed that he was fooling himself in front of her, Cloud took a deep inhale. "Listen, I.. I don't think we could be friends anymore." Tifa's eyes widen with his sudden proclamation. "No! It's not like what you think. I mean…" Cloud hastily said when he thought that Tifa was somewhat infuriated with his statement.

"I never think of you as a friend, Cloud." She was then mirroring his position as her hand carefully tugged on the sheet to cover her exposed chest. "Well maybe I have before you left for SOLDIER but not since then. I have loved you Cloud up until now and you know it."

It wasn't the first time she had ever told him, but it never stops him from blushing madly. It's so weird, when your suppose-to-be-best friend made such confession. "I know. That's what I'm trying to say. It's just, I can't stand seeing you with other guys, so…" He admitted.

"I understand." Yes, Tifa understood quite well. Cloud was never good with words especially when it came to this kind of matter. Back during their AVALANCHE days, Cloud's feelings towards Aerith was almost transparent in everyone eyes just like how she felt for him. She thanked her friends silently that they never brought the matter into picture. They are similar in lots of ways but being Cloud, he was probably oblivious with his own feeling. Well, maybe it's different now but for him to claim such thing like 'I love you', Tifa's bet the hell will freeze until that moment come.

"I'm glad. That's why I… we need to be honest with each other. I need to tell you everything."

Tifa found his declaration was a bit amusing. Honest? Come on. There's still a lot that she did not know about this best friend of her. "Well, don't you think it's a little too impossible?" She later regrets her choice of words. She knew that she was being sarcastic but she couldn't help but to let it slip.

"At least, I want you to know about something." Cloud put her sarcasm aside, although it was almost true.

"What is it Cloud?" She said as she placed her chin on top of her knee, waiting for him.

"Our relationship.. I mean this kind of relationship, you know it's impossible if Aerith is still around. Tifa." He stated.

What is it with Aerith so suddenly? Where does it come from?

Tifa knew the love he had for Aerith was firm. Probably stronger than what he felt for her up until now. If he would drag Tifa out of a diner away from her date, in Aerith's case, he will definitely chopped the man's head off. That's the hierarchy of Aerith and Tifa's position in Cloud's heart that she came to learn. She's already accustomed to the fact that he won't love her the way he did, no, he does for Aerith. But to hear it from his own mouth, it's killing her inside. She wasn't ready for this. Not yet. Not when she had thought their relationship is on the right track. Not when everything seem so perfect when the truth was ugly. Nevertheless, she is Tifa and Tifa won't fume for such thing. As always, she'll put that good-girl smile on her face. "I see."

"You.. see?" Cloud was puzzled with her reaction. He was expecting a more… heated reaction from her. Maybe some curses she never threw?

"Yeah, I knew that. You've always love her didn't you? Even now. I know, Cloud. It's hurt so much to lose her even I felt the same too. She's a sister to me. So, don't worry Cloud." She said as she put one hand on his bare shoulder and lightly rubbed the spot as a sign of comfort. "You might not think about this, but I actually had put this into account. So, I understand. I'm the only one you have now. I understand."

Understand. Is that what she has always done? Understand others when she herself refused to comprehend with herself. Cloud did not like it with the fact that she was okay with what he had just said. Is it fine for her if he uses her? Is it fine for her being a mere replacement? She loves him too much, she didn't notice. It's not even close to okay. It was always better if she was angry, if she threw some punches in his face right now. Then, he'll be content.

"You're not being honest with yourself, Tifa." Cloud gently pushed her hand from his shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"You said 'I understand' too much, I lost count when the truth you don't understand a single bit."

He was hurting her and yet he was angry because she didn't act hurt? "What are you saying?" Cloud noticed her tone was changing.

"Tell me, honestly, are you fine with being Aerith's replacement?" Cloud decided to provoke her a little more.

She was quiet at first until she began. "I was never a replacement. She's gone, I know, but I could never take over her place in your heart. So I didn't exactly replace her. Don't you know, Cloud, I was practically dreaming. All this while, it was just me who was loving you."

What? Is that what she has been thinking all this while? Wait a minute. Did he interpret what he had said wrongly? Oh God! How could he mess up at this crucial moment? But to think that she had always thought of him in that way, he was a little disappointed. So he decided to continue to go along with this her complete mystification. He needs to know exactly what her feeling is.

"Why are you not mad then? Even if you're not her replacement, I'm still using you. Is that okay with you? Are you not serious about us? "

"Then what do you want me to do Cloud? Kick your ass and asked you to kill yourself so that you can rest in piece in the lifestream with her?! I can't! I'll be selfish. I treasure my friendship with Aerith so much." How could he say that? The nerve of him. It's she who has been serious with their relationship while he all along playing dense.

"Is it more than you treasure your own feelings towards me?"

Is he testing her? What was he trying to achieve by interrogating her like this?

"I didn't think it was necessary since my love was simply one-sided." She told. As she was about to leave the bed, Cloud's fingers circled her wrist, putting her into stop.

"Then tell me that you're happy then."

"I couldn't be any happier than this. I may have not won your affection, Cloud but to think that I have the slightest chance every time we were making out, I was truly happy. I don't give a damn if you think I'm such a slut………Now, please, let me go. I have to prepare breakfast for the kids."

"We're not finish yet."

"We will never." She tried to tug her hand away from his grip but to no avail. The hand that has been swinging the giant sword so easily was a lot stronger.

"We're going to now." He said as he pinned her down on the bed with both hands clasp her wrist. He was looking at her now and he swore her eyes were glassy. Had she been crying in the when he did not notice? No. She has been crying all this while. "It is you who has been clinging to the past."

"Damn Cloud! First you told me all of this is impossible if Aerith is still alive! And now you expect me to bitch out just because I'm not happy with it!? Haven't you had enough!?"

"So you're not happy with it."

"Any woman will not be happy if the man they love said something like that." She raised her head slightly to compel her words.

"I'm not talking about any woman. I'm talking about you. You're not any woman."

She was silence as her lips trembled to utter a suitable answer. Reluctantly, her tears fall down. "It's killing me, Cloud. Don't you know? I'd rather die the moment before you told me that."

Seeing his love one died in front of him once is already enough. Tifa does not deserve this. She does not deserve to die for him. Especially not for him.

Because, to him, she's special.

Abruptly, Cloud released her wrist and pulls her into embrace. "Haven't you sacrificed enough?"

"But I could never sacrifice myself like Aerith did." She uttered softly as she was startled with his sudden action.

"I'm tired of this. Aerith had done what she had done. I could not downplay it. But you... You don't need to forgo everything you desire for me."

"What should I do, Cloud? I don't know." She slid her arm around his neck as she continued to sob in her shoulder.

Cloud then pulled himself to look at her but kept his palm against her cheek. "It's time for you to be selfish once in a while." He told as he smiled sheepishly.

"But i…"

"Don't you know? All of this may be impossible if Aerith is still alive but right now…. I no longer wish that she came back from dead."

"What! W-why?"

"Because I don't think I could accept the fact that I'll be able to disregard my feeling for you. It's hard but I don't want to love her anymore."

"Cloud…"

"Tell me.." he began again as he touched his forehead with hers. "Tell me what do you wish for?"

"I…I.." She stuttered with words.

It's okay to be selfish. She has sacrificed a lot and now she deserved her prize. The only prize she had always wished for is him.

"I want you to forget about your feeling towards her." Did she just say that? Tifa quickly lowered her head down. Silently, she asked forgiveness from Aerith.

She then received a chuckle from him. "Sure."

"Wh-what?"

"It's okay. I will."

"B-but I didn't mean that you should forget about her. No. I mean.. Even I won't be able to forget about her. Not anyone can…." She was stopped when Cloud suddenly pressed his lips against hers.

"What else? One is not enough." He said against her trembling lips.

Why was everything seem so perfect? Minutes ago they were fighting like crazy. The next thing she was crying. And now he was treating her exactly like she had in her dream. Deep down she was wishing the time would stop.

"I want…. I want you to love me."

Tifa was worried at first when Cloud did not answer. But then she felt his lips were tugged upwards as he answered. "Hm, already have." And he kissed her once again. The first real kiss she received from him.

She wasn't dreaming anymore. Cloud was real for her.


End file.
